What I want to do with my self.

I'm 19. I've been planning to be 19 since I was 12. In fact, I've been planning alot of things since I was 12, for example I had planned to begin buying my first house this year.

Thats clearly not going to happen.

According to 12 year old me, at 15 I was going to get a full time job at a WalMart and save every penny I earned, while going to Vocational School full time. I'd take my GED (and pass) at 16, I figured that by the time I was almost done being 17 I would be the proud owner of two (very interesting) Vocational certificates and go to College at 18. I'd finish jr. college at 20 with an Associate in Science degree and go on to be a world traveling, multi-millionaire toy designer and small business entreprenuer. I'd get married between 23 and 27. I'd also go finish a 4 year degree somewhere and then put an end to world hunger before retiring at 50 to live on a farm with chickens, sheep, and dogs in Canada.

Over the years I've managed to cope with the reality that is my life. Its boring but not horrific.

I'm grateful that between the ages of 15 and 18 I did manage two vocational degrees, I got my GED and even though I have never had a job I had managed to save as much as $250 once. I dont have a bank account. I'll be 19 when I start college. I still share a room with my older sister.
Yay me.

Needless to say I wake up most mornings feeling like a loser, but I have something many dont. Optimisim. Hope. I'm not dead yet and everyday is a new day. I figure that if I prioritize, work smart, and be as resourceful as humanly possible I can make an alright living and enjoy my life.

Over the past few weeks I've began to loose the clarity of what I want to do after junior college so I'm focusing on that. I know I want to go to university. I want to study Electronic Engineering and as many foriegn langauges as possible. I know that much, but exactly how to go about it is no longer clear. I'll have to work on that, I dont like to not have an absolute picture of what I want to do, or what should happen if I do exactly as I hope to.